Is it just me, or?

People ask me what we are now. I don't know. When they ask me who he is, I'd say, 'a friend.', then they continue to ask, 'do you have a crush on him?', I'd say I don't. They would say, 'weird,' and they won't believe in what I say. They always think that when two people being together, it means that more likely they are or soon to be in a relationship. So when I told them things the way things actually are, about me and how this thing going with this beautiful man, they simply question it, or call me liar. Whatever.

Sometimes I think I was different. A bad kind of different. When all of my friends are busy making relationship, this thing hanging between me and this guy is far from the definition of boyfriend/girlfriend thing, we do not do that.. We do not say it out loud, how we feel.. Sometimes I think that it's just me, that he maybe does not feel the same way as I am, but I do not simply give up on hope.. And believe in myself, in what I feel, a little bit more. Sometimes, you love so much, so deep, you become the other person you love. You reflect their words, their way of thinking, how they talk, how they act.. I don't even have crush on him anymore, because I am a way far than that. I love him. It is unspoken, but sometimes love is just love and you do not question love.

Then I start to realize that I have to differ the idea of being in a relationship, and being in love. In a relationship, two people are put together. They thought they might wanna be like that forever, achieving one or many goals of, I don't know.. Completing each other? Having kids? Sharing companion? They might as well wanted to see each other every minute of their lives, because that's how relationship works. You spend most of your time together, if possible, being under the same roof and sharing your foods, your extra bed, and most of all, your time.. It might fade one day, you know, just like people couldn't promise such thing as, 'I'll love you forever,' as forever is a matter of time, which you can't guarantee because the Time is not yours.. Then relationship became a noun, a state to describe the combining result of two people together. The thing is what if you get bored? What if you realize eventually you don't want them anymore? What if you possess them so much they slip off and be gone? While you can't help but being possessive because the other person are yours, forever, just because you think you are in a relationship.. Gotta say, though. In a relationship, you cannot guarantee love.

Meanwhile, being in love is totally different state.. When you love, you pour your heart into this one person. They never leave your mind though at times you might not realize it. You go to work, you do your job. But when you feel the need to stop a little while, you feel your blood rushes, your heart beats hard.. And then, there they are, carried with you all along your veins. It makes you smile and helps you get through hard days. It's love. When you love, you might not always see each other, might see a lot of different person every single day. But once you see them in person, you just knew it's them. You miss this one person so much, you cannot, stop, talking. That is when you realize, that other people, lots and lots of them everyday, is just a reminder of how much this one person means to you, that the rest of them don't matter anymore, you don't want anybody else anymore.. Despite all difficulties, you gain commitment. When the time comes and both of you finally see each other without any interferences of life, you look at them in the eyes. Then the sparks tell you, 'I've been waiting for you, and I love you so much.' And it cannot be wrong.


So, when next time people ask me, 
'why don't you both be in relationship already?' or tell me, 
'you both look cute together, just be in a relationship for God's sake,'

I'd just smile, and say, 
'well, no..' 

I'd stop just for a moment, 
'because I don't need to be in a relationship anymore. I'm in love with him. I wish he is, too. And that is what matters to me,'

and fuck the rest of the world who tells me otherwise.