Taman Anggrek.

We often find ourselves asking: what truly makes us happy?
This will be answered in the cheesiest way possible, though, I warned you.

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Today I was seeing somebody. This person enters and walks out my life so easy, like shadow. Though the metaphorical statement might sounds so wrong, but he would literally, actually, come one day, and he will be gone another. This happens a lot, I don't even know the amount of how many times he walked out. I don't want to care. I only wanted to remember how he stays.

As a matter of speaking, I was meeting him again today. Once again cherishing the time he didn't walk away. I wore black shirt, he wore yellow. He looks good in everything, no doubt. We went to have a proper dinner-which we never had before-and took pictures like couples do. We don't do the thing: a girlfriend/boyfriend thing because eventually life will separate us. I love him in a way that only me can understand, and maybe the worst part is, he does, too. His smile is like the ocean. It is wide, and calm, or shy--I can't differ. But above all, it feels like going back all the way home.

I won't go long with the words. I wanted to say that everything he did today was my kind of happiness. When he laughed and his dimples popped out forcefully. When he cracked a joke I didn't understand but keeps me happy. When he told me about his day, or what shit happened in what time. When he wholeheartedly told me I was pretty. When our hands collided unintentionally. Or, when he bought another shirt and changed it right away to fit mine, because it was black-colored shirt.

I might someday find another person, or he would first. And by that time neither of us would know how much love we feel this time. But as much as I don't want to care about how many times he walked outta my life, this works the same way. Nobody, could ever make me feel the way he did either. I cherish my life when I'm with him, at every moment right away. I hope he cherished him too.



Then in the end, I think I'd like to say
that he, he makes me truly happy.




So myself, do yourself a favor,
to cherish him,
to thank God for his existence,
to love him even more.
Because he did become
one of the biggest part of your life.



21/06/15

You don't wanna read this.

"Maybe love works in a different way for me.
Because I hate seeing you happy when you're not with me.
I hate seeing you smile if it wasn't because of me.
Sometimes it gets so overwhelming I couldn't see straight.
I don't like the vision of you spending the right time with who ever it is,
while I'm here,
while I miss you..

Love works differently for me because it should be fair.
Because there would be nobody who'd make me as happy as you would
and I am hopelessly asking you to feel the same way..
Then in the most selfish or creepiest way possible,
I would assume that I loved you
with all thirst, and hunger,
whom only you can satisfy."




with all the selfish love,
Steph.

Pemabuk

Gadis itu seperti pemabuk: pipinya merah, matanya liar. Tulisannya tak terbaca lagi dalam gerakan tangannya yang gemetar. Lelaki itu seperti candu: memabukkan! Ia punya senyum sehangat mentari dan harumnya seperti rempah manis. Keduanya saling memandang mata. Mereka bicara lewat setiap kedip dan menjadi semakin rindu pada hitungan ke satu, dua, hingga tiga...

"Tampan sekali hari ini," ujar gadis itu malu-malu. Si lelaki tertawa renyah.

"Kau yang cantik sekali,"

Mereka lalu membuang muka, sibuk dengan bahagianya masing-masing. Akhirnya tidak ada yang saling bicara. Tapi ucapan syukur atas hadirnya satu sama lain menguar di hawa nafas mereka yang memburu. Dan dari tatapan nanar yang tak putus-putus, mereka tersenyum sendiri, lepas segala non-perfeksi diri. Karena tahu keduanya bukan lagi sekedar mengagumi: keduanya sudah mencintai.

Cabang Rindu

Padahal setiap waktu aku bertemu denganmu bersama sunyi: hanya ada aku, dan kamu yang seperti hantu. Mirip waktu aku jatuh cinta untuk pertama kalinya pada kecantikan kota di waktu malam, sampai aku selalu diam atas hadirnya dirimu di dalam benak. Aku seperti meyakini bahwa ada rindu yang tak perlu dinyatakan, cinta yang tak perlu berisik. Aku menyayangimu, sungguh, dalam racauku pada kesendirian, atau dalam doa yang sederhana di ambang kesadaran: yang menggemakan namamu sampai ke telinga Tuhan. Karena dirimu macam mimpi yang lari-lari di angan siang hari, yang kadang dekat sekali untuk aku dekap, lalu pergi waktu kau mau. Jiwaku ada untuk merindu kala saatnya pergimu tiba.

Padahal kau tidak perlu ada disini. Tapi dalam tatapanmu yang sebentar-sebentar, rasanya aku sudah pulang. Dan rinduku menemukan rumahnya di matamu.

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Ini tulisan yang tidak ada maknanya, bahkan mungkin untukku juga. Aku juga bukan orang yang selalu bicara begini begitu soal perasaan. Tapi dirimu, entah bagaimana pun menjijikkannya kata cinta menurutku, adalah definisi yang tepat dari itu.