Conciliation.

I took my time alone to see everything. Especially to step aback and look at how nice life has been. Sure I sometimes couldn't differ it from dramas, but it's okay, really. I gotta say, though, life's nicer with problems. This might be a long post, I warned you.

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I'm handling love stories with great advice, I wonder now why would I be the one with none if I'm that great? While asking myself why, I look at my friend's relationship. And how terrible it has been to keep convincing themselves the way they wanted to believe in something. He loves me, he would never cheat. He's kind, and he promised me 'forever' anyway. Blah. People will always be people, you know. They disappoint and they screw up lots of time, it's just our nature. When you pour your all into this shit, you would have no love left for yourself. It would all be just self pity one day, sooner or later, believe me. The idea of self love got twisted right here. Although maybe, some people love themselves so much they can't handle getting hurt once they broke up or facing loneliness. But some healing gets better after its worst, right? They were just not brave enough to deal with the after effect. And also, how numbers of years are not an accurate measurement of how stable relationship they're in. They said 'I love you' everyday, at the same time questioning 'is that really is?' like a mantra. Now how could you define love when it makes you feel insecure and terrible, most of the time? False alarm, friends. You do not need that kind of love. It's a hunger, of affection.

He never said the word love, unless it is necessary. Or when he felt the urge to say it, like when I said, 'I love you,' after a long talks with him. He would probably say, 'I love you too,' if I were lucky. We don't even chat on daily basis. But when things happened at work--anything, really!--we think of each other without saying it out loud. Like we've been sharing our thought telepathically: of how this MV he might like, the meal I found delicious and I knew he would too, the new girl at work whom he hated at the moment, the hatred towards stupid people and traffic jam, or simply just how happy I am that I have found him. All nothingness, and everythingness at the same time. My nobody as well as everything in my universe.

I don't remember being this safe when I'm with anybody else. Safe, as in... I know I don't have to worry about losing him. He doesn't need to tell me how he is, if he loves me today or not. He doesn't have to talk to me all the time, cause we both got lives to work on. He doesn't have to convince me that there's nobody else but me. He doesn't have to stop me from achieving my dreams, cause he probably knew that he's been in it, and that being close is never about the proximity, so 'accomplish your biggest wildest dreams while you got me, here'. And the most important thing is, I don't have to ask. Because somehow, I knew.




and vice versa.

I'm so thankful I've found you. Thank you, Tevinstein Amos, for putting up with me and being so skeptical towards my thoughts and judgement. I've learned to be a wiser person by then. For being yourself when you're with me, to the most highest form. For that I could be me, too, and know I won't be judged in return. So, yes! I love you. As much as I love myself, I love you too, cause you transformed me into a happier, better, human being who had grown love towards herself finally. You put that love into me. I love you. I love you, so much.