Visions I Wrote on My Twenty-third Birthday

Today I met some friends, realizing some things worth telling. I should always remind myself just in case one day I forgot, so I might as well write it down.

1.     Everyone has their own definition of success.

It could be anything. It doesn’t always revolve around money. It could be self-actualization. It could be the job you really like. It could be the destinations you’ve reached. It could also be lots of friends and colleagues that help you through every needs. The definition of a good life for each and every person is different and we serve to different calling and purposes as well. I believe that chasing and comparing over money will never come to an end, it will only make you always feel anxious and not enough. Being rich and healthy is being content with what you are, what you have. Also that being healthy means mentally too.

2.     Remember that you are facing different paths with others.

These days, I feel like doing everything to get fast money. Every meetings I encountered with a friend, leads me to depression and anxiety. It also had made me confused of who I wanted to become, of what I liked the most. I always cease for better career, not knowing that I had to start with things that I loved. I was hit by panic attack, thinking I have to pursue the same path my friend does. I didn’t know I might have my own, I just had to be patient while finding it. Also, I have learned that plantation works in stronger place. It’s not mind nor perspective. It is heart.

3.     Don’t make money your intention of living.

I sometimes felt like I wanted to be someone else, living someone else’s life, I thought I might do better. I didn’t see it coming, I didn’t scan lives thoroughly. Everyone is dealing their own battle. We are just sometimes too carried away with the idea of our own ideal living. Money might be your biggest issue just now. Change the heart. Cliché as it is, but money is not everything. Live in perfect balance. Feed your soul and enrich them. You won’t take those money away with you, not everyone might acknowledge your existence. But you’ll live in your own pace, not with people that you want but people that you need and when you’re content with life, you’ll finally find your own peace.

4.     Life revealed itself at the right time.

Flowers bloom in its time, just like human beings. Always remember one thing comes after another. The beauty of life is the process of achieving. Remember to always be content. Remember to always be down to earth. Aware with your existence. Life is not always about achieving bigger. Your Maslow’s hierarchy of need has to be reviewed every once in a while, because needs and mind changes overtime. It’s not wrong to aim better and higher position in a company or career, but always make sure it is healthy for you (both financially and mentally).

5.     Involve others and give more.

You’re not alone in this life-game. We are survivors, we are warriors. Everything you do, do it for the good of two people: you and the others. When you do the right thing, the universe gives you more. Be patient with yourself, you have the rest of your life to get everything that you need, just in time. When you have something, give more. Feel a bit more less, that life is a cycle that will always, always comes back to you. Everything is in fruition. Spead kindness, speak good words. Let the vibration sinks deep, not only inside of you, let it affect others too. Being so cranky about others’ success means you’re not yet visioning your life clearly, jealousy and fear only stains a mark that makes your heart ugly. Be happy when someone’s reaching their dreams and goals. You have your own time. You might be contributing to their success, and if you’re lucky, they’ll remember that. Life is a cycle. It is a circle that comes back, to you.

You can have everything you need: a good career, jobs that you like, destinations you wanted to reach, building a nice home for your parents. You will visit places you’ll never dare to dream. You’ll live well with the love of your life and children that you raised to be good persons. And you’ll maintain a healthy lifestyle, because you appreciate life. Your career comes to fruition, not because you’re that good, but because you like them and you treated them well. Remember these things: you are so strong, you are capable and the world is in your grip. You just have to focus on doing the right thing. Don’t waste your time fearing things you cannot control. Be content. Let go. Just like a quote Fachmi once told you. Life might not be great. Might not be perfect, but it is good. Life is good.

Ah, it’s my birthday. Everything’s coming. Sense it. Embrace it.

Sekelibat tanya di pikiranku

Bagaimana ya aku bisa memproyeksikan kemampuan diriku keluar dari zona nyaman?
Bagaimana pula aku bisa berhenti takut akan hidup miskin, jika mereka bilang semua sudah diatur?
Bagaimana ya aku bisa reach out, berkontribusi pada kehidupan manusia lainnya, menjadi cerita yang diulang terus-menerus, yang memperkukuh statement, "aku ada dan hidup, loh."
Bagaimana aku bisa tahu bahwa begitu banyak hal yang bisa kulakukan, that I'm capable of doing something more, tapi hidupku berjalan seperti biasa saja?
Bagaimana bisa begitu banyak hal di dunia ini dapat kupahami atau bahkan kuketahui, jika aku saja baru berusia 22 tahun!
Bagaimana akupun bisa puas akan pencapaian hidup dan diriku, tanpa punya pikiran dan rasa yang menjahati orang lain?
Bagaimana caranya setiap orang menemukan diri mereka: hendak menjadi apa, ingin hidup bersama siapa, padahal ada begitu banyak hal yang belum kita ketahui?
Bagaimana setiap orang dapat dengan mudah had their lives figured out?
Bagaimana bisa aku mengatakan ini tanpa tahu kesulitan apa yang setiap individu lalui,

untuk menjadi diri mereka sebagaimana mereka ada saat ini?

Langit kelabu, semburat jingga dan oranye. Riuh rendah bunyi jangkrik di latar belakang. Petikan gitar dan nyanyian hati bersama seorang kawan baik. Aroma ilalang menguar bersama udara petang dan senja di bukit. Kami terjaga, hidup, menyatu dengan semesta dan dunia yang selama sesaat, indah dalam kesunyiannya.

Buta Warna

Semalam, aku menghabiskan waktu menonton di bioskop bersama Jonathan. Dalam perjalanan ke gedung pertunjukkan, kami melintas di bawah simpang susun Semanggi. Jakarta menyala-nyala malam ini. Joe berdecak kagum, mengajakku melayangkan pandang ke lampu jalan serupa bintang, berkedap-kedip terbentang sejauh jembatan layang itu. "Sebentar lagi Natal," katanya bergumam. Aku mengangkat tanganku tinggi di udara, melepaskan peganganku dari pangkal kain bajunya dari atas bangku motor yang kami kendarai, menghirup udara malam. Kebebasanku. "Sebentar lagi Natal," aku mengulang perkatannya. Membenarkan. Menyadarkan. Merah muda yang cantik sekali, pikirku dalam diam. Seperti sisi feminis malam di Jakarta, yang selama ini terlalu macho bertahan: Jakarta tak pernah tidur.

Perjalanan semalam mengingatkanku akan konsep warna. Kau tahu, tidak. Akbar buta warna. Pengetahuan itu membuatku ingin tertawa lebar-lebar. Lucu sekali bermain tanya jawab akan persepsi yang ia lihat. Hijauku dan hijaunya, pasti berbeda. Ia tidak mampu membedakan ungu dan biru. Baginya, warna ungu pada terong hanyalah sebuah pengetahuan umum.

Aku ada, aku nyata. Aku adalah entitas yang solid dan setiap hari bersiborok dengan kehadiran pikiran. Aku jadi berfikir sendiri. Seringkali, begitukah cara kita memahami kehidupan dan segala sesuatu? Begitu pula hubungan manusia dengan individu? Apa yang kupahami abu-abu, pun abu-abu dipersepsi orang lain, meski pada kenyataannya kita melihat dunia secara berbeda. Tidakkah mengesankan ketika perbedaan dapat menyepakati suatu konsep yang sama tentang keindahan, tentang bagaimana manusia melihat bumi dan alam raya, serta tersenyum oleh karenanya.



My muse is in everybody's DNA. I love deep thoughts and good talks. I think that is what makes human the most interesting for me, the ability to think and question things, as well as to feel and connecting emotions. As if we're all creature with the same antenna, we connect to each other like none ever could.

Untuk PARAMABIRA dan Hati Kita

Kepada setiap orang dalam perjuangan di balik kemenangan Maasmechelen yang beralih fungsi menjadi rumah tempat rasa hatiku berpulang.

P.S: Gak akan lupa pagi hari 6 Oktober, betapa sedihnya kita diingatkan seberapa sayangnya kita pada sosok Rainier Revireino, seberapa besar ingin kita yg sama untuk bawa pulang kemenangan untuk Indonesia, serta serentetan kata-kata ini, 

"Gue gak tau kapan akan nyanyi lagi sama kalian. Mungkin ini terakhir kali.." (Hegra Soetrisno)

"Kita semua sayang Pepi kan? Sebentar lagi Pepi ultah. Dia udah memberikan lebih dr porsi seorang pelatih. Ayo kita kasih yg terbaik juga buat Pepi." (Eduard Pratama)

"Gue adalah orang pertama di keluarga gue yg pernah ke Eropa.." (Jonathan Edward)

"... meski bosen gimanapun, setidaknya kita ada. Duduk di belakang laki-lakinya, kita support mereka, kita support satu sama lain." (Yohana Theresia Stefani)

Astaga. Terima kasih atas tahun terbaik dalam hidupku, PARAMABIRA.

Maascmechelen, 2017

My Paramabira,

congratulations on our achievements:

2nd place of Mixed Choir Category,

2nd place of Equal Voice Category,

Best Performance of the Compulsory Work of Mixed Choir, and 

The Prize of the Audience.

---

Ketika tujuan dan keinginan kita yang sama menjadi doa yang terwujud,

tetaplah merunduk seperti padi yang menguning,

tapakkan kakimu pada tanah, kariblah dengan ibu bumi.

Ketika kau telah menerima kebaikan semesta sebaik ini, tengadahlah,

di bawah Tuhan yang menjelma malam,

dalam takzim dan sembah semahdi,

mengucap syukurlah,

mengucap syukurlah sepenuh hati.

---

I am so proud of us.

Singing Marendeng Marampa (Arr. Hegra Soestrisno)

Piso Surit (Arr. Amilio Fahlevi) is one of the best Indonesian folksong I've sung.

Details, hand gestures, crumples, and gold finishes.

My precious, I present you, the male choir.

When feminism is not an issue.

Close up look to the basses section.

Singing Ahtoi Porosh, one of the best piece they brought that I loved.

Singing Yamko Rambe Yamko (Arr. Agustinus Bambang Jusana).

Tenors and their expressions.

The eminent Gayatri Mantram, on pitch.

The complete mixed choir, and I was smiling 'cause I was living a life.

Having this idea crystal clear in my head before even taking it.

Now that it ends, 

I found out somehow that

there's nothing more frightening than

having your dreams come true.

Dalam Perjalanan ke Tempat Latihan

Here are some pictures that Audy took, just to remind me of how amazing nature is when it comes to autumn. We got to walk a lot, minutes spent admiring beautiful greeneries and blue skies. While having melodies wryly ringing on our hearts, with heart as light as the first December snow.

MiMA -- and Sir Joan Cornella hanging there.

A morning walk to the studio.

Was waiting for the light to turn green.

Walked pass this structured red bridge.

I was so happy, living life.

The garden nearby we crossed.

Pigeons eating whole bread.

One of Brussels' best museum I've seen.

The color changes as the autumn came.

The other side of the museum.

In front of the studio we rehearsed. 

While waiting to get inside.

The road full of cars, sometimes people pass by, and uniform blocks of building.

I'll miss this. I will, I definitely will.